Finding Your Tribe At Any Age
Relationships are important. Right? Is it just me or do you free like covid affected your relationships? We had those crazy two years where we were afraid to get within six feet of another person and, some of us, got quite comfortable with that. (I say “us” because this introvert could easily slide into a lifestyle of “just my family, thank you”.) But it’s not a good thing. God created us for community—for relationships. Think of our bible examples: Jonathan and David, Ruth and Naomi, Adam and Eve, Paul and Timothy, Jesus, and a whole bunch of guys.
During our college years, we formed friendships that have literally lasted our entire lifetimes. Even through several moves to different states, the friendships prevailed. Then, when our kids were in their “growing up” years, we developed more amazing friendships. Couples from church and in our neighborhood that we “did life” with daily made those crazy, busy years so fun. Our kids played together. We played together. Went to the beach, played cards, ate out, cooked in, went to marriage retreat weekends—all the things. Over time, many of those couples moved, but, if I called any one of them today with a need, they would be at my door as soon as possible. “Doing life” together bonds people forever!
In our “golden years”, most of our friendships are still those forever friends we met when we were in our “springtime years”. I love the history we have together and the comfortable feel we have when we are together. But we have also gained new friendships. It’s fun to exchange stories about life that are new to them and to hear their stories of life. It brings a new energy.
Yes, covid tried to take the power of relationships from us, but we must rebel and take the whole idea of talking, hugging, and laughing with other people back.
No matter what age you are, finding a friend can have its challenges. Perhaps you were born with a shy-er personality (raising my hand) and making a new friend at age 30, 40, 50 or beyond (raising my hand again) just doesn’t appeal to you, or maybe you’re so outgoing, you’ve got more friends than you can handle. In any case, remember God designed us to share our life with others. Sharing our experiences with another person is how we can get through this crazy thing called “life”. If you’re having the worst day at work, but you’ve got a fun weekend planned with friends or family, that awful workday will fly by as you anticipate the fun. Do you see why it’s important to have a friend? It just makes life more meaningful and fun!
Here are some important things to remember about friendships.
Be alert to all types of people. If you want people to choose you, you must choose them. Put finding a friend on your radar—pray about it. First, let God in on the picking and then, be interested in other people. I have friends who are fun to be with; I have friends who challenge me spiritually; and I have friends who share my station in life right now. All are valuable to me. You should never think someone isn’t a right fit for you to be friends with until you get to know them.
Friendship can come with years of history or be brand new. Each offer something different. The old girl scout motto—”make new friends but keep the old” is so important. Always be open to new friendships. Christian friendships should never be exclusive. You can never have too many friends.
Don’t get bogged down in thinking about the size of the tribe. If you are new to an area or newly married, you may be wondering where your new tribe will come from. Pick one couple or one person and start developing that friendship by doing some easy things, maybe things you have in common, or your kids have in common. (Suggestion: pizza after a game or lunch after church). Of course, look at church for small groups, mission trips, retreats weekend. Anything that allows you to get to know others on a deeper basis.
Be filled with grace and forgiveness if you want a friendship to last. Any friendship or relationship will reveal some things that need grace to cover. Be willing to do that. Don’t back out at the first sign of a miscommunication. Be willing to work it out.
Be there for each other. Friendships require time. There’s no other way to say it. Being a friend comes with some responsibilities. You must be there for each other. But that is the beauty of a friend. Friends support, cheer on, cry with, and love each other. If you want that, you must give that.
I hope this helps you in the pursuit of your tribe. Putting in the work it takes to develop a friend will be one of the best investments you will ever make.
Hugs, Chrys
