“Don’t forget your tennis racket!” “I don’t know where your violin is. You must have left it in the car!” “Korie, you have a game today! Get your cleats!” Are you ready for the mornings that sound like this? This was my every morning when my kids were growing up as I tried to pull together a semi-nutritious breakfast, find missing socks and keep one eye out the window looking for a big yellow bus or load them up in the car and head to school.

Like you and your children probably are now, my family seemed to hit the ground running every morning. Walking was rarely an option. I was a pretty high energy mom and, I have to tell you, I loved the daily adventure of practices, performances, and parties. What a blessing it is that our children live in a world where so much is offered to them. But, like anything, too much of a good thing can become a bad thing. As moms, we are the managers of our children’s lives. It is our job to sort through all the options and come up with a reasonable plan for our children that doesn’t exhaust but enriches their life. Here are some “T” steps that might help you as you manage your children’s activities.

First of all you have to consider your time. No matter how much your child wants to do an activity if adding it to your day will make you crazy, don’t do it. A mom who gets her kids to everything, but does so at the expense of her mental health is not making wise choices. One thing you must learn to do is give yourself permission to say no to some wonderful, amazing, incredible choices your children will be asked to participate in. Remember, as adults we don’t get to do everything we want to do, so for your children to learn this lesson is not a bad thing. Also, give yourself permission to ask for help. You don’t have to be the one to take your kids to every practice. I had a really hard time with this one. I wanted to see my kids do everything they did. But as they became more and more involved in activities, it became impossible. There just wasn’t enough time in my day. I learned to ask friends to share the carpooling duties or ask my husband to help when he could. Another thing that can really help is to look for at least one day a week when you purposefully don’t schedule any activities. For our family, it was Wednesday afternoons. Because we wanted to attend church on Wednesday nights, as the manager of my house, I set a rule that we would have no lessons on Wednesdays. My kids would often ask friends to come over and play until church services that night. That gave us a day in the middle of the week when we could spend some quality time at home and made the entire week seem more relaxed.  

The next thing to consider when looking at after school options is your child’s talents or lack of talents. Just like any good manager, you are responsible for putting your little employees in the best position to grow. I’ve always said that I put two of my kids in gymnastics because they were good at it and one because they weren’t. It’s easy to choose to put your child in an activity when you see a natural bend toward that skill, for instance the child who is always on his or her head might be a great candidate for gymnastics. But, don’t forget to observe your children for a skill that needs reinforcing or strengthening. This world can be cruel in so many ways. Helping your child develop in areas they are lacking is the sign of a good manager who is aware of a problem and seeks to solve it. This is not to set your child up for failure, it is to help him develop and stretch in new ways. It will also be important to have that same child involved in things that do come easier for them. Remember, another life lesson is taught here-everything doesn’t come easy to us grown-ups either. Many jobs will require skills that we have to learn and have had no training for. For most adults, we are not the best at everything we do, but we get the job done and we keep at it. Learning this valuable lesson at a young age will come in handy later in life. So a careful study of your kids and their abilities will make for some fun afternoons. 

The last thing to consider is the temperament of you and your children. Someone once told me that I was a three-ring circus person, meaning I could handle a lot of things going on in my life at one time. But just because I am a three-ring circus person doesn’t mean my children are the same. Actually, I think I have the full range from one ring to three ring circus kids. In any case, it’s so important to find that healthy balance when deciding how many activities your children can handle. Sorry, moms, I know that balance is a tough word to measure and implement. If you’ve ever balanced a book on your head you know that it’s often times easier said then done. You may find that some of your children need a little nudge to get off the couch and out the door, while others will wake up with their tennis shoes on. Be careful not to impose one child’s temperament on another child. Communication, as always, is vital to this part of the decision making. Listen to your child with more than your ears. You might hear him or her say, “I don’t want to go to practice. It’s boring!” But the minute they get there, they perk up and have a great time. Actually, they may have been saying, “I’m a little nervous. I don’t know how to play.” Or they may be saying, “I would rather just watch TV for the next three hours!” Watch and observe how your child responds to his lessons before, during, and after going. Be encouraging about the importance of exercise or hard work. One rule we always had was they had to finish a semester before dropping any lesson they thought they wanted to take. That way they had plenty of time for the new to wear off and to decide if it really was something for them. But if your child is truly overwhelmed and other things in their life are being affected, either agree to let the child stop without making them feel like a failure for quitting or work on some other ways the child could have some free time. Be alert to child burn-out on any sport or activity. A healthy balance is hard to achieve, but you can do. 

This is a busy time for you moms who have now added another ring to your circus! Remember to ask yourself these important questions: Do we have the time, do they have that talent or the need to develop that talent and do we all have the temperament to add another thing to our busy schedules. May God continue to bless you as you manager your family for success! Trust me, I’ve been there. It will all be worth it!