Wouldn’t it be nice if the whole world could just get along? Agree with each other. Maybe we could, at least, agree to disagree, and be nice about our disagreeable topics. That’s a thought. Right? 

When I think about a reason for why we can’t all get along, I can’t help but think of a movie many years ago called The Stepford Wives. In the movie, all the women in the town of Stepford, Connecticut actually were robots. Talk about creepy! It was enough to make your hair curl, however not as perfectly as a Stepford wife. Stepford wives were perfect. They always agreed with their husbands; their yards were perfectly manicured; their home was impeccably neat; and food, well, it was hot and on the table at six o’clock every evening for dinner. What is wrong with this picture? It’s not normal!!! That’s not how this whole thing works!! 

God didn’t create robots. In God’s goodness and gracious favor, He choose to create human beings with their own thoughts and opinions and personalities. He could have created robots; He didn’t want to!! (Said loudly for emphasis.) 

Why? What was God’s motivation for creating us so differently? As a mom, I love, love, love the differences in my three children. I love that I have one who is a saver, one a spender, and one an investor. I love that one plays tennis, one plays the piano, and one loves art and reads. All of these sweet differences make up our family. Those differences, and of course, others, are also part of the answer to the question, “Why can’t my children agree?”  My little  “reader”child didn’t love my little “energizer bunny” child bouncing in front of her, disturbing her quiet space. My “energizer bunny” didn’t love a younger sibling who didn’t want to play the way he wanted to play. As a parent, it was part of my job to teach the three different personalities I was given to raise to love and accept each other’s differences, as opposed to being frustrated and annoyed by them. I admit, I was not always successful. But, I did feel better about my struggles to unit my little team when I read the bible and discovered a hard truth: people getting along has been a problem since Adam and Eve. Yup. From the very beginning, when there were very few people on this earth, it was a problem. 

While, we don’t have any recorded accounts of Adam and Eve outright fighting, we might assume they had a few words after Eve offered Adam the fruit. (It’s just a guess, but I’m pretty sure assessing blame was part of the discussion over dinner that night.) We do read–in just four chapters into Genesis—the story of Cain and Abel, Adam and Eve’s kiddos. The bible gives us a little hint into their different personalities when it tells us Abel grew up to be a shepherd and Cain worked in the soil. As with most siblings, each of them were their own people. I’m quite sure Adam and Eve loved their children and taught them right from wrong, but it didn’t stop jealousy and greed from poisoning their family. Not only did they have really good parents, God actually talked to Adam and Eve and their boys. I mean, like verbally. Spoke words. Audible words. Do you get that? The first family had the luxury of hearing God’s voice. Still, jealousy and greed caused dissension in their family. 

Moving on to the New Testament. I clearly remember the first time I read a verse in Philippians 4:2-3 about two ladies in the bible who didn’t get along. (How awesome is our God to include every topic in the bible?) Here’s the verse, “Now I appeal to Euodia (pronounced U-O-D-A, I think) and Syntyche (pronounced Sin-Tic-E, I think). Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreement. And I ask you, my true partner, to help these two women, for they worked hard with me in telling others the Good News. They worked along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are written in the Book of Life.” 

My first thought was “Those are two strange names!” then I moved on to think about Paul, the author of this book. Here was a man who had literally worked nonstop for the gospel and was in prison as he was writing to the people in Philippi, yet he had to spend time telling these two women to stop fighting and get on the same page! Yikes! It makes me sad and embarrassed for Euodia and Syntyche for being the ones called out for their actions of disagreement, causing Paul heart ache and grief. But, here’s the reality. Today’s church is no different than the first churches, especially this one in Philippi. 

We know Paul was writing to the believers because he said that in the first verse of Philippians. This was not a letter to plead with non-believers to work together for the cause of Christ; it was directed to the existing church. Does that surprise you? It did me at first. I guess I didn’t think about the early Christians as real people with real problems except the problems they encountered as being Jesus followers. But, after I gave it some serious thought, it hit me—of course Paul had to address problems like bickering and fighting. After all, this was a brand new church, made up of tax collectors and businessmen and wives and mothers and store owners. There was surely a jailor and maybe a slave girl and perhaps a prostitute in the mix. How were they to know how to behave? This was all new to them. 

But, society has advanced, right? 2000 years of doing this “living life” thing and we’ve got it all down, right? Sadly, this is not the case. Human beings seem to be terrible at learning from our mistakes. We’re likely to make the same mistake over and over and over again. And….that’s takes us back to the beginning of this writing…talking about how God created us to be thinking humans, not robots. Even while we have practiced social distancing for a nearly half a year, we (us crazy humans) have still figured out a way to disagree on almost everything! Here’s another hard truth: interacting with human beings, however limited that might be, brings with it the possibility of disagreeing. Can I get an AMEN?

So, what can we do? What have we learned in 2000 years of relationships that might possibly help put a stop to all this arguing and bittering? How can we all get along? I know you know the answer, but I’m going to say it anyway–it has to start and stop with us. Each one of us, individually, has to do our part to stop the bittering and start the loving and celebrating each other’s differences. I know. That was too easy, wasn’t it? Saying it is the easy part; doing it is the hard part. So here are a few things you and I can do when faced with the dilemma of unifying the troops around us. 

1. Keep “me” (that means you) out of it. When “me” becomes offended, then the offensive act becomes more about “me” than the idea or concept or mission you are concerned about. Anytime we take a personal stand, the battle gets bigger. Looking back at Cain and Abel, the mission was to offer the very best to God, who was the author and creator of life. If Cain had pursued that mission with all of his heart, no problems would have bubbled up. But, Cain took it personal and “me” got mad because “me” was questioned and “me” lost sight of the mission. If we can keep in mind what our mission in life is, 90% of what we argue about would simply go away. (Okay, I’m just throwing our 90%. It could be more or less, but it’s a lot.)
2. Decide if you want to be right or be happy. This is one of my favorite Dr. Phil-isms, because it is so true. At some point in every disagreement, someone has to give. Someone has to decide if being right is worth the arguing and hurt feelings and dissension that is happening because of the stand being taken or is it better to just let it go. Dr. Phil also says you can’t be right all of the time unless you are happy with being lonely. There you go. Being right is fun and good if it happens, but when it doesn’t happen, choosing people over being right is always the best answer. 
3. Choose wisely. When my kids were little I felt like I was constantly saying these words, “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” Words are powerful. The bible tells us the tongue is like a two-edged sword, meaning it can cut both ways. That’s powerful and dangerous. Choosing your words carefully takes restraint and purpose, but carefully chosen words can turn a potential bad situation into a tolerable one or, even, a great one. I also used to tell my kids that all the words in their heads did not need to be spoken. Sometimes we need to choose not say anything. That doesn’t mean we express the thoughts we want to say with actions that can be just as ugly. No, it means we use the brains God gave us for discernment, choosing to use only the words in our head that are helpful and let the others disappears, never to be spoken. Poof! Just go away. Don’t let them roll around until more resentment builds up, let them disappear. Replace them with other words. Uplifting words and good thoughts about the person or thing you are having trouble with. 
4. Having said that, another key to unity is learning to listen. Oh, how hard that is when the one talking won’t stop or is spouting off something you consider to be completely, dare I say it, stupid. I did it. I said a word my mom drilled in me never to say. But, as I would plead my case to her, I didn’t say the person was stupid, I said the views were stupid. I can see my mom raising one eyebrow about now, cautioning me to watch my mouth. And she was right. Just because someone else’s views are not yours doesn’t give us a reason to be unkind. Kindness still needs to rule the game of conversation and being kind includes learning to be a good listener to those you disagree with.  Listening to someone else’s views that are contrary to your own will likely lead to that person listening to your views and then you’re off to a great start to good conversation. 
5. The most important thing you can do to promote unity or foster a space of agreement as you walk around your family, workplace, friend base, school environment and community is to do something I said in the first point–remember your mission. If your mission is to lead as many to Jesus as possible during your time on earth, it is of no benefit to actively disagree with those in your circle. Notice, I said that word “actively.” Of course, you can disagree. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t (back to the “we’re not robots” deal), but you don’t have to be active and vocal and loud and obnoxious (okay, you get the picture) about it. Look back and see that Paul pleaded with those two arguers in Philippi to “be of the same mind.” Being of the same mind doesn’t mean, in all things, we should totally agree, but it does mean, in the most important thing, have the same goal. To share Jesus with others. 

Since we do live in this world that has the evil one lurking and looking for holes he can open up and push people in, it’s imperative that we keep our eyes on the holy one. Keep first things first and don’t be distracted. That way you will do your part to unify God’s army and march together for the cause of Christ.