Hey, Rockstars! I had my very first Va Va Zoom Party this evening and it went off without a ton of hitches. Who says you can’t teach a more mature woman new tricks, right? Chrys and I are all about learning new things and my Va Va Zoom Party definitely challenged me in the techy department. But, that’s not why I’m writing. Something happened while I was preparing for the party that reminded me of the time I said Miracle Whip was “of the devil” on an international television program. It’s a light-hearted but fun memory I thought I’d share!

Let the record show I never intended to do such a thing on air in front of God and everybody. I simply found myself speaking for my people. We’re convinced that the dangers posed by Miracle Whip aren’t taken seriously. Granted, I may or may not have still been smarting from the Mayonnaise Incident. But, perhaps I should start there, at the beginning.

I was in South Bend, Indiana to promote my new storytelling cookbook Hungry is a Mighty Fine Sauce and to do a cooking demonstration on The Harvest Show.

And, well, because my schedule was tight and I didn’t know what I might or might not be able to find when I landed, by way of supplies, the day before I had carefully packed the necessary ingredients for my Holiday Hurt Yourself Bread into a small carry-on and headed to the airport.

It was a great plan— until I attempted to go through security and my mayonnaise set off every alarm known to God and man. Yes, my mayonnaise. They called it a “trace” substance. I lie not. The memory of what happened next is painful, but the phrase “extra screening” doesn’t do it justice. I have close family members that don’t know me as well as that security woman did. All because, apparently, everyone but yours truly knows that mayonnaise can bring down an airplane.

It didn’t help matters that Barney Fife Wannabe was on duty, large and in charge.

“Ma’am,” Barney said sternly. “This is six ounces. You’re not allowed to carry more than four ounces of liquid aboard this plane.”

“Yes, sir,” I said in my most polite voice. “But mayonnaise is a solid, not a liquid.”

“No, ma’am,” he said. “Mayonnaise is a liquid.”

“Is not.”

“Is, too.”

“Is not.”

In the end, I had no choice but to give up my mayonnaise to make my gate on time. I’ve also chosen to forgive Barney Fife for over-reacting and treating me like I was a threat to national security.

I mean, for goodness sakes, it’s not like it was Miracle Whip.

Kidding! Just kidding. So, where do you fall on the whole Mayo/Miracle Whip poll? I’m curious.