Talking to a teenager can be more frustrating than opening a child-proof bottle of Tylenol. Just when you think you found the trick, you twist the lid, and… nothing! Then you find the trick. There’s an arrow that has to perfectly match up with the dot. Match the arrow and the dot and you’re in! That, my friends, is the secret to communicating with a teen. Line up all the stars and you will be able to talk to your teen. I’m just kidding about lining up all the stars, but there are a few things we should remember that might help us communicate with the teens in our life. 

Teenagers are really no different than all of us. Some humans are more talkative than others. It’s a fact of life. The talkative kid will grow into a talkative teen, then a talkative adult. But, during the teen years, parents and grandparents might not get to be the recipient of a teen’s words. This dilemma is usually what drives the adults in a teen’s life crazy. They spend three or four years looking for ways to match the arrow with the dot to communicate effectively with their teen. 

The teenage brain is confused most of the time as feelings and opinions are still in development. Many times there is a lot going on in a teen’s head, but they don’t want anyone to know what it is because they really aren’t sure if what they are thinking is okay or not. Yes, it’s a very confusing time. Add that to the fact that teens are God-wired to be making their way to independence. This explains some of the rolled eyes and silence treatments adults might get from the same teen who just minutes earlier was all smiles and happy days with their friends. Their friend groups are their current connection to all the important things in life—school, social media, music, boys, girls, etc.

As grandparents, we’ve already walked this shaky road with our own kids and now we’re here again with the grandkids. I put together my simple A, B, C’s to communicating with today’s teen that might help you out a little.  

1. Acknowledge your experience, but, most of the time, keep it to yourself: As the grandparent, you have lived long enough to have done many things.  Still, pointing this out too often can cause a teen to feel like they can’t measure up or you’re living in the past. It’s best to use all the experience you have to help you understand your teen better. Think back (I know it’s been a while) to how you thought and felt as a teen. Try to put yourself in their shoes as you listen to their current problems with life, school, friends, etc. I have found they do love fun stories from our past if it helps them conquer something today, but be wise. Be sure you can apply it to their life. For instance, once when Sadie was having some boyfriend trouble and my mom (her great-grandmother) shared how she had to break up with her boyfriend so she could date Sadie’s great-grandpa. We all laughed at Mamaw’s story and Sadie learned that boy trouble goes way back!
2. Be there, whether it’s a phone call, text, or in person. As our grands get older, it is hard to know where to fit in with their busy schedules. The same kids that begged to spend the night every weekend are now busy with their friends. This was a tough transition for me, but I think I’ve made the adjustment without too many tears. Lol. So, what to do? The great news is, as grandparents, our main job it just to be there. It’s really easy in today’s world to be there even if you’re not there. I have watched many volleyball games on my phone. If I can’t attend any big event the kids have, I make sure I send a text that says I’m praying for you and know you’ll do great. And I attend any events I can get to. Yes, it means some sleepless nights traveling from town to town, but it’s worth it. I want my grands to know they can depend on me to cheer them on!
3. Cultivate the relationship, but don’t try to be a teen again. I never dreamed that as a grandma I would share clothes with my teenage granddaughters. But I do and it’s fun, but not necessary. Cultivating a relationship doesn’t mean we have to dress alike; it means we have to be interested in that person’s life and surroundings. I am also on Instagram, snapchat, twitter, and I know my enneagram number. These things, while not essential, give me commonality and discussion points I can use to connect with my teen grands, even if they laugh at me when I get things wrong. I don’t want my grands to ever think I am vying for the position of their best friend, but I do love having a conversation with them about books, movies, sports, entertainers, as well as the bible. Mostly, I want them to know I am their grandmother who loves them to the moon and back. 

Well, that’s my tips. Teens really don’t need much, but they do need us to love them unconditionally.