I’m not doing it anymore and you shouldn’t either.

I know how it started. But it’s got to stop.

I’m talking about the hand on the hip camera pose. You’ve seen it. Heck, you’ve done it. I understand it even has a name.  They call it, “The Skinny Arm”.

At some point in the distant past, some joker started this silly trend and sold us all on the idea that our arms would look thinner if we propped our hands on our hips. They had us at the word thinner, am I right? And so, we did. We put our hands on our hips and faced the camera like a bunch of Clint Eastwood wannabes, just begging someone to make our day. And then we repeated this valuable posing information to every female we knew, until they did it, too. But what did we do exactly?

Oh, pick me! I’ll answer that. We created an online world where everybody and their mama looks like they want to fight!  It’s not good for the public discourse and we have enough problems there. Can I get an amen? When we were teenagers my oldest sister had this habit of pulling her shoulders back and holding her fists at waist level every time our parents spoke to her. Whether she meant it to or not, it sent a signal that she was ready to fight if they were. It never did turn out well…

But back to our posing. I’m nostalgic for the days when we just smiled at the camera. It’s more confusing now. I’ve read the head should be tilted ever so slightly sideways. Granted, this is easy for us southern girls, we have an inborn tendency to tilt our heads when we see a camera pointing at us. I’ve written about this at length before. I think our southern mamas plant magnets in our heads. We may try not to do the head tilt, but by golly, before that lens snaps, our heads are gonna migrate together in a tilt, so help us smart phone.

And then there are all the other suggestions. Make sure your chin is forward and down, or is that your forehead out and up? Reminds me of the summer I took up golf. Kinda. Sorta. My husband, he Mr. Notoriously good athlete of all sports, wanted me to learn to love golf in addition to my favs, basketball and tennis. Only, I went out to hit some practice balls on my own because he was farming, and what do you know. All these frustrating helpful golfers kept coming by and giving me tips. Pull your elbows in. Not so much. Loosen your grip. Tighten your grip. Turn your right hand clockwise. Put your thumb here, no there. Sit into the shot, stand up more. Bend your knees. Not so much with your left…By the end of the second day of help, and the 100th tutor, I was standing there like a twisted pretzel making hitting that little white ball virtually impossible. I retreated to the tennis courts where the ball at least went in the direction I was aiming it, even if it found the net or sailed behind the lines.

It all has me thinking of a photo shoot I was involved in once…I called it the “How Rednecks Do Headshots” ’cause I needed a new head shot and my dear daughter-in-law was my photog and my grands were in it to win it! Emerson Ann held the reflecting tool for her mom, Carlisle Mae held a battery-operated fan near my face but just out of camera range because, Louisiana. And the youngest, Weston the Wonder Boy held a stick up nearby because he had to hold something and why not a stick? The good news? I didn’t put my hands on my hip, once!

So, if we shouldn’t look like boxes, Rockstars, what should we do to take the most flattering pics? I’m far from an expert, but I’ve learned a few do’s and don’ts along the way. Here are ten of my favorites and they won’t tie you in knots.

Don’t freeze. In the interest of full disclosure, my RIG cohort, Chrys Howard should be writing this piece. The woman simply can’t take a bad photo. It’s not easy to be in pics with Chrys! That said, she’s been kind enough to give me some tips and this is one she always remembers to practice. You shouldn’t freeze unless someone has a weapon drawn on you. Keep breathing, keep smiling, and move slightly in between shots.

Look up! This is a joke with my and my bestie. Rhonda and I took a pic once with the camera above our heads after hearing this tip, and then we made a funny post about the results. But the principle is solid. Don’t look down into the camera. Make sure it is eye level or slightly higher.

Angle your body slightly. Don’t be the only person in the group pic facing the camera unless you want the lens to add a few pounds!

Smile with your eyes. Don’t grin and bear it, friends. Let that smile travel all the way up your face and engage your eyes. You’ll look friendly and sincere and you’ll like your photos much more.

Use the timer. If your phone has a timer, use it! It will give you a second longer to push that hair out of your face, breathe, blink—you get the idea. The timer can be your friend.

Don’t say cheese, pls. I know. We’ve been told to say cheese as long as we can remember, Rockstars. But it’s a bad idea. You’ll look awkward, not natural. Take a deep breath, relax, and smile.

Face the light. I remember taking pictures as a little girl and someone making me stare straight into the sun. I’m not recommending this. No one looks better with a permanent squint. But do position yourself in front of the light source instead of having it at your back.

Focus on the camera. Look into the lens of the camera. If you’re being photographed by a smart phone, find the lens. Resist the urge to look at yourself to see what the shot is going to look like and look at the lens to connect with the camera!

Careful with the edits! This is a pet peeve for me. I’ll admit that. But, I suggest going really easy with the filters, friends. It’s not good if you’re not recognizable offline because you’ve been heavy-handed with the filters. KnowwhatImean?

Smile at someone you love. If you have a hard time relaxing before the camera, try this. Imagine someone you like (or love!) is taking the picture. Smile at them like you mean it!

Try some of these or all of these, just try not to look like you have it out for the photographer. It’s not a good look for any of us.