Not All Castles are the Same

When our children get married and begin to build their own castles, the lines might blur—just a little. We might get a little “judgy” that daughter doesn’t wash her sheets weekly like we did in our castle or son has decided he likes Miracle Whip now instead of real Mayo because that’s what his new wife likes. Oh, it’s the little things that we can get “judgy” about, right?

My three children are married with lives of their own. Each oversee their own castle. And here’s the odd thing. They are all so different. What? How did that happen? “Didn’t you raise them the same?” you might ask. The answer to that question is I thought I did, but apparently something went terribly wrong because my three little people grew up to be three very different big people.

While I wasn’t the perfect parent, because no one is, I did, basically, raise my children the same. What was different was them. God created all my children differently. Imagine that. The nerve of God to give me three totally different personalities to get to adulthood equally equipped to take on the world. If you have more than one child, you get it. You have different personalities too. If you’re like me, you’ve questioned God a time or two. (God, I am in over my head here. Help me know what to say and what to do. What I did the last time doesn’t work with this one!)

Grandma, your grandchildren need you to love and accept their parents just like they are, whether they now eat real Mayo or Miracle Whip. They need you to look at each castle and your eyes light up with joy when you come to visit. There is no room for criticism. No room for complaints. No room for comparisons. No room for condemnations. No room for not choosing to go see one castle over the other.

We had our time teaching and training. When our children lived in our castle, we taught and talked until we were blue in the face about some very important issues. We taught manners and social responsibility. We taught them to be obedient to God and to serve others. We taught them to treat others with kindness and to be generous with what they have. We taught them to be hospitable. We pleaded our case for wearing seatbelts and helmets and to never swim alone. Now, your children get to teach all those things.
I love the scripture found in Ephesians 6:13, “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” I know this verse isn’t about parenting. It’s about fighting the battle of good and evil in the world. But, as long as a scripture is not taken out of context to bind something God doesn’t bind on us, scripture can be used to guide our steps in all areas.

This scripture, to me, describes our parenting adventure. The full armor of God is like all the parenting advice and wisdom we’ve poured into our children. Year after year, we stack our teaching, one by one, like math facts, on top of our children, building a strong shield to keep them out of harm’s way. When our children were a part of our castle, it was our responsibility to do this just as it was the responsibility of the Lord and Lady of the castles of old to protect those in their castle. And we did it. We didn’t have a moat and a drawbridge, but there were times we wish we did. When our children reach the age where they occupy their own castles, our job is to support them. It’s time to be still and trust in what we’ve done and how we have equipped them.—-

Hugs, Chrys