Intentional relationship hacks for building stronger families

Let’s begin with a fact that should be obvious, but to make sure we’re on the same page, I need to spell it out. All families have relationship challenges, because all families are comprised of living breathing humans. This includes those families that look as close to perfect as you and I can imagine. And yet, it’s important for us to remember we’re on the outside looking in, and we never have the whole picture. If this opening sounds pessimistic, stay with me, please. That’s not my intention. Not even close.

I’m not saying some families aren’t healthier than others. That argument would be easy enough for any of us to shoot down! What I want to suggest is that the healthiest of families are the result of some intentional loving from the imperfect people comprising them. What follows are a few intentional relationship hacks I’ve found to be very useful in building stronger relationships and families.

1 The Personality Pivot

Learn to pivot your mind. If I realize I’m thinking negative thoughts about the trait or actions of a family member, immediate or extended, I tell myself to swap something I’m seeing as a “deficit” in their personality for a positive character trait they’ve shown. I’ll literally tell myself something like this. “Fine, Shellie. That person may seem moody, but you sure can’t fault them for being selfish! They’re always willing to give what they can and lend a hand to anyone who needs it!”

2 When Words Linger

We all say things we shouldn’t. All of us. If I discover I’m having a hard time forgetting something painful that was said to me, I try to remember that someone could be having an equally hard time forgetting something I said to them. Our tendency to communicate so much through text can exacerbate this problem. It may be that my words weren’t intentional, and I didn’t even know they stung. Ouch! That thought gets me every time and helps me offer grace to others.

3 You Can Forgive Way Before You Forget

Did you know you can forgive way before you forget? It’s true. Forgiveness is an act of our will. But forgiveness doesn’t mean we’re treated to an instantaneous emotional lobotomy. Just because you can still feel the wound doesn’t mean you haven’t forgiven the offense! Forgive, and when the thoughts begin circling again, remind yourself, again, that you’ve forgiven them and you’re still healing. It’s a process.

In closing, I’d be remiss if I didn’t tell you to ask the Good Lord to help you incorporate these ideas instead of trying to gut out the changes in your own strength! He is ready and willing, and we are weak and needy. Together we make a great match!

Hugs,
Shellie

P.S. The pic is compliments of my amazing mother and my darling youngest granddaughter because, like our families, it’s worth treasuring!