I witnessed a public meltdown recently. Wait. Allow me to rephrase that. Like you, I’ve witnessed more than one public meltdown recently, but I want to speak to one in particular that begs discussion in this community of parents and grandparents.

The setting was a store somewhere in the South. I’m being purposefully vague because the last thing I want to do is add embarrassment to the young mom at the center of this story. Bless her. I don’t know what her daily life is like, but from what the little I saw, she seems to be having enough trouble coping. Towards that end, I’d like to give her a gentle, non-judgmental name. Let’s call her Mommy Means Well.

When I met her, Mommy Means Well was trying to placate a belligerent child who had zero interest in being placated. I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that the mother’s response to the child kicking her in the shins was to try and hold him at arms’ length while she dodged his little boots and tried to walk him through his feelings. Her efforts sounded something like this, “I understand that you are feeling sad because you can’t have that toy right now, and you’re trying to tell me that you’re upset, but Mommy needs you to stop kicking her. Please. It hurts.”

It was almost like one of those police shows where a negotiator is brought in to establish a line of communication with a criminal bent on violence. Only, Mommy Means Well was playing the parts of the hostage and the negotiator. That’s a scenario that can’t end well. Sure enough, the kicking intensified. Mommy Means Well moved on to her next card. Bribery. “If you will quit kicking me, we can go get a treat. But I can’t finish here until you do. You do want a treat, don’t you? Where should we go to get our treat today?”

I recognized the tactic. She was trying to divert his attention. And for that moment, for that one moment, in that one day, in that one store, it worked. At the very least, the standoff deescalated. The child quit kicking her shins. Mommy Means Well checked out her purchases, and they left.

My heart went with them. I felt for both of them. I felt for the child who was being ill-equipped to handle future conflicts with anyone other than his loving mother. No doubt his preschool teacher will be slower to understand his feelings should he kick her in the shins, and his future classmates won’t be as long-suffering either, which will only set him up to be left out.

Again, my heart was also tender towards Mommy Means Well who was inadvertently making her parenting journey harder by looking to make it easier. Mommy Means Well needs to know that she is setting her child up for future disappointments and failures when the world at large refuses to stop and negotiate to please her little tyrant, I mean, sweetheart.

I understand the intention behind diverting and distracting. It’s a response to more traditional parenting styles. The goal is for the child to feel like his or her feelings are respected, which in theory will cause them to respect the feelings of others, but it creates more problems than it solves. When there are no consequences for poor behavior, there’s no incentive for good behavior.

Are there situations when diverting and distracting techniques are appropriate? Sure! An example would be giving a teething baby something safe to chew on and removing the car keys that could poke her in the eye. But life does not always give up choices between better and best. Our discipline is meant to teach them boundaries and give them skills to handle life beyond our loving and safe embrace.

Disciplining a child is largely about disciplining ourselves to discipline them. Parenting can be super hard work with long hours. It can seem easier to let it go “this time” but it doesn’t set us up for better results next time. Meltdowns are coming. Handle with care. Let’s do our littles the great favor of walking in the authority God meant for us to have in their lives, while we can, for the good of all involved.