No one told me! Seriously, no talks about it. “It” is, what I am calling, ENS Part Two! That is Empty Nest Syndrome, round two. 

What exactly is ENS part two, you may be asking and, if you are, that’s because you still have “littles.” “Littles” are grandchildren not capable of driving. Your house is still covered in grandkid toys. Your phone is as important as the president’s because you are “on call” daily for your next grandma assignment. Your car may have a chicken nugget under a seat and a sippy cup molding in the back window because, well, the grands love you and your car. If all of this is true in your life, then, basically, you’re not there yet. I’m here to tell you what you have to look forward to in a few years. 

Here’s how it works. It seems that one day your house is full of babies, many of them the same age because they are your grandkids, not your kids, then, as if with no warning, one by one they trade you in for a driver’s license. You–their ever-present, ever-loving, ever-ready grandma—is traded in for a square, plastic piece of paper that puts them in the driver’s seat of their life and puts you back in a quiet home, clean car, and open schedule.   

Yes, they do that! And, quite frankly, I don’t like it. There is nothing like cheering on a grandchild as you’re driving them to a summer baseball game or driving one to an orthodontist appointment while they look at their braces in your car mirror or taking one to dance class all dressed up in frills and bows or just letting the little rascals hang out at grandma’s house while mom and dad do their thing. 

Do you remember that first empty nest? The one you welcomed in with confetti and balloons—well, this is that one on steroids. You actually liked that first one and relished the quiet house and dates nights. But, as the years passed, you looked forward to filling the house once again with hugs, giggles and activities.  And the grandkids were the perfect solution to a quiet house and clean car! “Let the fun begin!” you said as you welcomed one grandchild after another. 

But, alas, all good things come to an end and here we go again. The grandkids grew up and the house is now quieter than ever. Plus, by now, you may have retired from your life’s work, leaving more free time. Empty Nest Syndrome Part Two has arrived. 

Oh my! What’s a grandma to do? I have walked this road for the past ten years as my grands, one by one, grew up. My youngest is now sixteen and a new truck has stolen his heart. The hours I used to spend driving him and his cousins around town are now given back to me. The nearly daily stops at Chick Fil a have ceased. The trunk of my mini-van (yes, I still drive a minivan), once filled with baseball equipment and tennis rackets, is now clean. And, I find myself “leaning in,” as the millennials like say, to what the next phase of my life is and should be.

And, here’s the deal, there is definitely a next phase. My mother who is 89 years old says her goal is to stay relevant. She accomplishes that extremely successfully as she knows her way around a computer, has an Instagram account and still dresses like a movie star. She’s been a great example to so many as she continues to open her home to house church on Sunday nights, cook special meals for her ever growing family, visit those in the hospital, take at least one dish to every funeral held at our church, read a couple of books a week, mentor the younger women in a mentoring class at church, and much more than I can even write about. In other words, at one point, she made a decision to not stop living. In fact, she not only didn’t stop living, she planned to keep living. She sets goals, lines up parties, plans events, actively works on her health, and stays in communication with her very large family.

I’m so blessed to have her example. With the birth of my three new great-grandbabies, my mom is matriarch to five generations who love and adore her. She reigns with grace, strength and integrity and, never with whining, complaining or feeling sorry for herself. 

I want to share with you my A, B, C’s of doing life during the Empty Nest Syndrome Part Two phase of life. Hey, if you’re reading this and you’re just now facing Empty Nest, Part One it will still apply so keep on reading.  

1. Avoid a pity party. There will be days when the house is too quiet, when no one calls to check on you or fill you in the family’s activities, when it seems no one cares about grandma. Above all else, don’t throw a pity party. Pity parties do not benefit anyone! Our children and grandchildren do not need to feel like it’s their job to manage us and our schedule. Use that quiet day to do something you didn’t have time to do in your former life. Clean out a cabinet or drawer so your kids don’t have to later. Organize your pictures. Get on the computer and write your life story. Indulge in something you love to do, like read a good book or watch a Hallmark movie. The solution to a pity party is having your own party. You can do it! 

2. Buff it up! Sometimes, as we get older, it’s easy to “settle” in that old age thinking that we can’t improve our health and it’s really not worth. After all, who are you trying to impress? Well, the impressing years are over and now it’s staying healthy so we are less of a burden for our spouses and children as we age. With some extra time on our hands, it’s time to commit to walking around the neighborhood or joining a local gym. If the weather isn’t pleasant where you live, look to the local mall for a walking area. Life will truly be more fun as we age if we have watched our weight and protected our hearts through cardiovascular exercises three or four times a week. It’s also a reality that we don’t need as many calories to operate our bodies as we once did. Quite frankly, we just don’t move as fast. So, this is a good time to change up your eating habits and work on fewer calories and better choices. Buffing it up may not have the same meeting as it did when we were younger, but it’s still a worthy goal, so keep on buffing! 

3. Celebrate the season! This is a hard one as it’s hard to celebrate a quieter house and fewer phone calls, but focusing on what is going on in the present with your family will help. Resist the urge to dwell on the past and embrace the new day. I know, facebook loves to remind of fun event in the past. I get it. I love those reminders too, but don’t park there. Repost if you want to share the joy of that winning homerun or that Valentine party you had for your littles, but then move on to the present. It’s fun to go to lunch with a grandchild and have a grown-up conversation or facetime one who is in college and let them give you a tour of their dorm room. Change is hard, that’s for sure, but it always brings many new adventures to celebrate. There will be graduations and showers and weddings and plenty of other ways to show your grandkids you will forever love and adore them. It’s a new day. Celebrate!

4. Date your spouse again! You did it once when your children left home and it’s time to do it again—reconnect with your first love. These “senior” years can be filled with sweet memories as we reconnect as a couple. Day trips to a neighboring town or taking in an afternoon movie can be sweet surprises in our grandparenting years. Don’t forget to take a selfie and text it to your grands who will love it that their grandparents are having fun. It’s up to us to show them what their future can look like, so let them see a couple who still enjoys doing life together and plan for date night each week. 

5. Engage with others! For many, the senior years may bring the sadness of losing a spouse which means a quieter house and more alone time than anyone really wants.  Statically, more women will find themselves alone as men tend to die earlier. My mom has now done life alone for thirteen years. In those years, she’s continue to live her life, make new friends, and begin new activities. Yes, she misses my dad every day, but, thirteen years ago, she refused to settle in her grief. She has a group of friends that eat together, go to the movie together, and encourage and love each other.  Life can still be full of adventure and fun for the single grandparent. Stay open to what God has for your life. Remember that verse that says God knows the plans He has for you is not just for the young. He is still actively working in your life. 

One of the things our older years have taught us is life is ever-changing, ever evolving. We wake up every day with two lists. List one is filled with all the negatives that life in our senior years can bring. List two is filled with all the joys, fun and adventure. That’s the list I want to choose. 

Here’s to a happy, healthy and fun-filled Empty Nest Part Two!