Okay, so Dillard’s had a huge sale. After two or three or four (but, who’s counting?) trips out there, I decided it was time for my man to have some new clothes. Can I just tell you that is a decision that should be weighed very carefully? 

Before embarking on this journey, please ask yourself these important questions, “Are the clothes he is wearing today really that bad? Like, embarrassingly bad?” and “Is my marriage rock solid?” You have to be able to say “yes” to both of these questions before you drag your man from the TV or his desk or the yardwork to stand in a dressing room for an hour or two (again, who’s counting) and hand him a stack of clothes that you think are perfect for him! 

For me, it was iffy, I’m not gonna lie. My guy is not a shopper, but he lost 50 pounds this past year and his wardrobe was beginning to look like clown clothes. Seriously! But, still, going to the mall is not on his to-do list. In fact, the mall for him is just a really expensive, indoor track. If forced to go with me, he works on his 10,000 steps while I spend money. To be completely honest, I’m not a huge shopper, but I love a good sale and someone has to buy the wedding and birthday gifts for the family, right? 

Taking Johnny shopping, for real, shopping, not mall walking, is akin to sliding down a hot metal slide in 1962. You think it’s going to be fun, but it’s extremely painful and you want to get off as soon as possible! My prayer for you is that your man is easy to work with. Mine is not. He is the sweetest man on the planet until he’s in a four by four room with a pile of clothes waiting for my approval.

 First of all, every shirt HAS to have a pocket. Don’t even take him a shirt without a pocket, even if it’s a potential shirt to wear to your granddaughter’s wedding. (You never know if you might need a pen during a wedding.) And, DO NOT even attempt to give him a suit to try, because he has lots of suits in his closet. (Never mind, none of them have been worn in this decade and we are at the end of a decade and he lost 50 pounds! Hello! It’s 2019! Fashion changes!)  And new pants? He declared his old ones are perfect, they just need to go to alterations. (Again, new decade! Those pleated pants are doing nothing for his new skinny legs!!) Doesn’t he know the phrase “no pain, no gain” as it applies to fashion too? Women have been wearing things that are uncomfortable and impractical for centuries (think corsets and pointy toe shoes), but that doesn’t stop us. We do what we have to do, right?

So, what did I learn that can help you? Do your best to make it seem like it’s his idea. Johnny really didn’t want to buy ANY shirts (“I have so many in my closet.”), but after showing him a good 20 shirts without pockets, he said yes to four with pockets. SCORE! Not going for a new suit, let’s look at a new vest! SCORE! And two new pairs of skinny pants for my man and SCORE again! “These slim cut pants do make my legs look better,” he finally said, which resulted in one last thing, let him pick the restaurant and enjoy a nice dinner out!

So happy shopping!