Dock Drama

Hey RIG family! I think mine and Chrys’ roles are pretty well established around here. You don’t expect a lot of fashion advice from me, now do you? It’s okay to admit it. On the other hand, by now you’ve figured out that I love to laugh. I’m known for saying life can be hard when it’s good but it’s always better when you’re laughing, so if I can bring you a story to lighten your day, then by all means, I want to share it! This post falls under the “Just for Fun” category. I feel like it needs more attention. So, let’s do this.

I’ve not made a secret of the fact that I hate spiders.

I’m putting that out though those I’ll probably regret it because it’s likely to start up another round of “funny” spider memes and pranks from people who just can’t resist messing with me every time I make that admission, but I have fresh reasons for hoping all spiders fry in H-E-Double L. (Mama taught me that. It’s not cursing if you use the double l’s.)

It happened early one morning while I was praying down on the dock. I had scalding hot coffee in one hand and my smartphone in the other. I believe I had opened my camera app to try and capture a picture or an egret, or a turtle…or maybe a cloud. We’ll never know. The moment blew up and I haven’t been able to recall those pre-hissy fit details.

My first hint of trouble was a little tickly feeling around my chin. I assumed it was a stray hair and I smoothed it away. (I’m shuddering here.) Moments later, I felt something similar on my neck, and it was moving. Oh, surely not. May I remind you my hands were full of hot coffee and a phone that did not know how to swim and didn’t need to be thrown into the lake. (Okay, it didn’t get dunked, but don’t get lost on the details, people. It very well could have!)

With the shaking hand that was also holding my smartphone, I pulled the collar of my pajamas out, and looked down. Yes. Ma’am. There it was. A big hairy spider… on my stomach. I’ll pause while you consider that news…

Are we good? There was a spider perched on my person.

Now, there have been some people, among them the beloved farmer, who suggested that I should have smushed the intruder against my belly. I know, right?! I don’t understand some people.

For five hundred and seventy-five years, or two to three seconds, I tried to shake that spider out of my business, but he successfully avoided my efforts and ignored my screams. Can spiders hear? If so, his feelings were probably hurt because I may or may not have been calling down fire and brimstone curses from heaven on his furry self.

Somehow, in the middle of the mania, and I need props for this, I managed to teleport myself to the house and inside the door before I removed my clothes.

I am the first to admit that the beloved farmer has to put up with a lot of shenanigans and possibly embarrassment from me being “in the public eye”, so to speak. That said, I would like the record to reflect that I did not put the public’s eye out by getting nekkid on the dock.

It did cross my mind.

Hugs,
Shellie