Here at Rocking it Grand we write and speak a lot about building strong legacies of faith and love where our kids and grandkids can thrive. At the ground floor of all that nurturing lies our marriages. With that in mind, I thought we’d have a little couple therapy today.

Years ago I saw a cartoon that I can still quote, almost word for word. Please compare that with the sad reality that I can’t remember to buy milk if I don’t write it down. Thank you. That is your irony for the day.

The cartoon featured a man, asleep in his recliner. Seated at a table near him was a woman with a stack of letters and envelopes. Printed below the cartoon were the words of what was clearly a chain letter, “Please forward your husband to the name at the top of this list and add your name to the bottom. You should eventually receive ten men in the mail. One of them is bound to be better than the one you have now.”

That cartoon has stayed with me but not because I found it particularly funny. I actually thought it was sad. I still do.  Marriage is good. Marriage is hard. Show me a strong marriage and I’ll show you two people who are intentional about making it so! Everyone who says “I do” will eventually face moments when they would rather not— not make the effort, not find the middle ground, not stick out the hard times.

I’m not a marriage counselor, but the beloved farmer and I will celebrate forty years together come August, so I’d like to offer you some of the things that have worked for us.

Smile at each other.

I still remember the epiphany I had late one evening when Phil came home from his work on our farm. I never intended to slight my husband or take him for granted, but by that time, I had smiled, laughed, entertained, commiserated, and co-operated with everyone else in my world. It hit me that I tended to speak to him when he came home without even looking at him, and when I did look his way with my greeting I wasn’t smiling with my eyes. I would never have done that with a friend, and yet, I was offering this less than greeting to my soul mate. From that day until this one, when we are apart and reunited, I give my husband “the smile”. You know, the one we give everyone else, the postman, the pastor, our friends. Guess what? The more I smiled at Phil, the more he smiled at me, and the more we felt like a couple again instead of roommates. Smile at your mate. It’s a simple but seriously good life hack.

Have a lot of r-e-s-p-e-c-t.

Lose the huffy breaths and eye rolls. Yes, even those your spouse doesn’t see. I have learned that allowing myself eye rolls Phil doesn’t see affects the way I see him. I can’t explain that. Again, I’m no learned counselor with degrees behind my name. These are just my life observations.

Get yourself a loveseat, (or a chair and a half!)

Okay, this is a funny one. I give you that. But how many couples sit in their respective places on the couch every evening, or in recliners where they can’t reach out and touch if they wanted to? Phil and I discovered this tip accidentally when we bought a big comfy chair and a half. They don’t call these things loveseats for nothing! Sitting near each other every evening has strengthened our connection and facilitated healthy conversation in the good times and in the hard ones.

Couple devos

I saved this one for last so it would stay with us all. We have a sign in this house that reads “Couples that pray together, stay together.” It’s true. Phil and I had our own private devotions for years and we still do, but we’ve learned the great value of sharing a brief Scripture reading or devotional and prayer together every day that ends in “y”.

Okay, those are my marriage tips. Send us yours!