Moms, I know you love your children and, in doing so, you desire them to be happy. But, I would like to offer this bit of advice—understand that happiness is not a goal, it’s an outcome that is achieved through the accomplishment of other worthy goals. Wow! Was that a mouth-full or what? Okay, let’s break it down.

We do want our children to be happy. No one loves to see a crying child. Seriously, it breaks my heart to see a child in a buggy at WalMart crying her little heart out. But then, I have to slap myself back to reality and realize that young momma has probably just denied her the opportunity to jump out of the buggy to a possible injury or gobble up a sack of candy that is also not good for her. In other words, I don’t know why little Janie is crying so it is not my place to judge the situation. Perhaps little Janie’s mother is choosing to teach her child some self-discipline. Okay, WalMart might not be the best place for that lesson, but you do what you gotta do. Right?  

Raising children to become the adults the world needs is not an easy job. It requires work and, most of all, self-control. What do you mean by self-control? I thought we were to teach our children self-control. I mean mom and dad have to exercise self-control by not giving in to the wants and desires of their children. I know it seems contrary to the parenting norm for the day, but it’s the truth. Children who are given everything they asked for do not grow up to be happier adults. They grow up to be entitled adults who struggle to find happiness. 

Children who are taught to wait, be patient, be respectful of other’s time and attention, work for things they want and share the things they have are more likely to grow up to be happy adults. Because, as I said earlier, happiness is an outcome of right behaviors. 

So why is this so hard to walk out? There are several reasons moms and dads struggle with this. Here’s some of them.

1. They truly don’t understand the concept. Many of us don’t think about outcomes as we “do life.” But, we have to in order to raise responsible adults. We have to think is this action going to be good for today or for many years in the future. Of course, I’m not saying to never give your children a treat or a surprise, but I am saying be mindful and use sparingly if you want your children to be appreciative now and generous later. 
2. They feel guilty and are trying to make up for something they think is lacking. I see this so often. Parents who think because they both work outside the home or are going through a divorce or have to go on a work trip or any number of reasons, feel guilty and feel like another toy will bring a smile to the face of their little one. While it’s true that a smile might appear for the time being, a new toy is never the answer for a guilt trip the parent has. It’s so much better to let you kids know your feelings such as, “I’m so sorry I have to work this weekend. It’s part of being an adult and taking care of our family. I love you to the moon and back and can’t wait to be home Sunday night and watch a movie together.” 
3. They love seeing their kids smile. Okay, who doesn’t? It’s much more fun to see a smile than to deal with a frown. I’m sorry to break the news to you, but it’s our job to deal with smiles and frowns. It’s not our job to throw everything out there that will make our kids smile and hold back on the things that make them frown. Learning to deal with “frowny days” is part of learning to be mentally strong as adversity will be a part of your child’s life for many years. We can’t protect them from adversity, but we can teach them to deal with it properly. If your children never hear the word no they are likely to be young adults who can’t find their way in the world. It’s better to teach your children to use what they have to make the world a better place than to constantly asking what’s in it for them. 

I get it. For the most part, parents are exhausted and sometimes it’s just easier to give in to the little fellow than to require obedience or right behavior out of him/her. But, if you can wake up and smell the strong coffee of discontent brewing in your child before you reach the breaking point, everyone will be happier. And when I say happier in this sentence, I mean you will reach a place where there is peace and harmony in your home, as no one is crying and screaming for their wants to be taken care of. 

Moms and dads of today—YOU’VE GOT THIS! You’re doing a job that has literally been done for centuries. Yes, times have changed, but here’s the good news–kids haven’t. They still need loving parents who aren’t afraid to parent.

(PS If you’re the grandma reading this article, please disregard. It’s our job to make our little kiddos happy! LOL)